Disaster French Toast

Internet, I have done it again. Only this time I screwed up something that should be fairly simple: French Toast.

It’s funny, too, because I’ve always liked the French, so I don’t know why they would want to curse my breakfast.

No one would have ever have known by looking at my meal that it sucked.

It looks delicious. But it tastes not so.

It looks delicious. But it tastes not so.

This was a Sunday morning breakfast and was nice because it departed from our normal routine of just drinking coffee and consuming maybe a slice of toast — tops. It was gonna be something special and we were excited about it.

In retrospect, I should have called it off because of an omen the night before.

See,  I was making some instant pudding. I pour a couple of servings into teacups and was going to put them in the fridge to set. I opened the door and was about to set them down when all hell broke loose.

The small bottoms of the teacups didn’t exactly sit nicely on the grates of the fridge. One of the teacups toppled over spewing chocolate fudge pudding all over the inside of my fridge, but mainly all over the bag of bread I intended to use the next morning for french toast.

Eff.

That was a fun mess to clean up. It was the most delicious mess ever, complete with some choice vocabulary.

Anyhow, I managed to round up the pudding and return the fridge to normal operations (the pudding, the bit that didn’t spill, was really tasty).

That’s where it all started going bad, I think. The other problem with this was my choice of bread. I used natural multigrain bread which is moist on its own. I thought it would have been alright because I took the bread out of the bag after spilling the pudding.

OK, I thought, maybe spilling the pudding was a good thing; it dried out my bread a little.

So I began to whip up my French toast batter. This will serve up about six slices.

3 eggs, beaten; pinch of salt; 2 Tbsp. sugar; 1 cup milk; dash of vanilla extract

While I am whipping this together I began to preheat my pan to about medium. Now you get to dunk the bread.

Here’s where I went wrong: I let it sit in the mixture too long.

GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!

GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!

So that’s two strike against me: I have moist bread. And now I have soggy moist bread.

After dunking the bread and preheating my pan, I began to get the toast sizzle. Everything seemed to be going alright.

It smelled and sounded good.

It smelled and sounded good.

I was REALLY hungry and that made me use a little too much heat for moist, soggy bread. Ipso facto, the bread started to burn on the outside before the inside was thoroughly cooked. I should have known because the bread was a little limp when I went to flip it over.

Strike three.

If your version of French toast is sounding like mine, abort it! Find something else to eat. Because you will be sorry.

Anyway, I did use two pieces of white bread that came out alright. So we had a side of scrambled eggs and found some lunch about an hour later. At least we bought real maple syrup, so that was delicious.

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Filed under Brunch and Breakfast, Disasters

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