Disaster Turkey Legs

These were supposed to be a delicious meal. I mean, the concept sounded great: We would have a medieval feast, eating meat off the bone and such.

Well, it turns out the turkey legs I bought at the store were ass and we didn’t really know how long to cook them.

Needless to say, we both ended up eating PB&Js. It’s turning into a Feaston tradition!

I got the idea for this feast after browsing the meat department while Michelle was in line at the deli. I was over by the poultry and spied with my little eye something righteous: turkey legs. The best part was they were $3.09 for two big legs. Perfect.

We got all excited and had planned this medieval feat. We would do things as in the days of yore, tell of our adventures in far off lands and do other things like be merry.

Not so.

The turkey legs were hard to cook, took a very long time and were full of nasty tendons which made consuming the meat damn near impossible.

It was mostly gristle.

It was mostly gristle.

We started off on the right path with the legs by using a simple brine. Soak the meat in 1 quart water, three cloves garlic crushed, 1/2 cup sugar and 1/4 cup sea salt for four hours or so. Great. It smelled wonderful. As a side note, this is the way to go with all things poultry.

We recommend the brine, not the meat.

We recommend the brine, not the meat.

Then it came to the cook time. We had all the usual questions: How long should be cook them for? How high a temperature? Should be cover them? Do we need to baste?

We took to the internet and never fully developed a response to our list. “OK, no problem. Lets do them covered, with  a little brine in the pan at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

The brine helped to keep the meat moist, even though it completely sucked.

The brine helped to keep the meat moist, even though the meat itself completely sucked.

That wasn’t enough time. We cut Michelle’s open to check for doneness. It was very pink. Actually, it was very raw.

“OK, back in the over you go. Take off the cover this time let those babies brown up a bit.”

One episode of Grey’s Anatomy later, the buzzer rang. They were done! Awesome, let’s feast. We opened the oven. The smell! Oh, the smell! Images of Thanksgiving danced in my head. Stuffing, mashed potatoes and TURKEY!

We started to tear into them only to find a mound of gristle and tendons. Eff.


That was the sound of both legs falling into the garbage can. Next thing I know, we were scrounging to fill our bellies. Good thing we ate the sides for this dish while watching ABC dramas.

“Do you want crunchy or smooth?”

Aah, it’s like music to Feaston’s ears.


1 Comment

Filed under Dinner, Disasters

One response to “Disaster Turkey Legs

  1. Liza

    And THIS…is why I’m a vegetarian

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